Today's post is dedicated to the American Hero who added a bottle of Jack Daniel's to this display:
Bless you, sir/madam. Bless you.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who immediately saw this:
Bakers, I imagine parenthood is tough enough. You really shouldn't go adding to the stress level with Prom goofs like this:
Please tell me this was delivered to her house.
Also, bakers, 'fess up: which one of you decided chocolate icing was a good call here?
Which brings me to the headline of the week:
A cake decorator with "no construction experience" building a sewage plant? CLEARLY this reporter has never read Cake Wrecks:
Cake decorators get all KINDS of experience constructing sewage plants.
Though I'm guessing/hoping these ones smell better.
Thanks to Sherry S., Jonathan W., Kristen G., Mona E., Amber S., Jane P., Matt S., Paula P., & Rachelle H. for taking us to fecality, and beyond.
Heidi wanted a pizza cake, and so asked her local bakery to make one. The encounter went something like this:
Heidi: "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza cake, please."
Baker: "A pizza... cake?"
Heidi: "Yes, you know, a cake that looks like a pizza."
Baker: "I'm not following." Heidi: "It's a round cake, decorated like a pizza... but with icing. Lots of places make them."
Baker: "Still not with you."
Heidi: "No, see, it's really simple: it's just a single layer cake, but with icing toppings and sauce and stuff to make it look like a pizza. A pizza cake."
Baker: "Huh. Well, I guess I can make that. But you better bring in a reference photo."
Heidi: "Of a pizza cake?"
Baker: "No, of just the pizza. So I know what kind you want it to look like."
Heidi: "Oh. Well, it can just be a plain cheese pizza, but... sure?"
THREE DAYS LATER:
And for those of you who like to peer down the road not traveled:
Maybe you dodged a bullet, there, Heidi. Thanks to Heidi L., Greg, Leah R., & Kris D. for proving wrecking baked goods is a pizza cake.
I'm pretty sure most one-year-olds will never remember their first birthday cakes, which is why I'm here to provide an invaluable service: reminding little E.J. that her (yes, her) parents got her this:
Any guesses on what EJ will be getting for her 12th birthday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, parents, but I think age one is a little young for boys to be discovering their bananas, IF you know what I mean.
And if you don't, just look at this:
Don't worry, George, all monkeys get curious eventually.
Things I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Like:
- Cheerful colors
- Cute animals
- Putting things in their mouths
Thing I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Do NOT Like:
- Guys with guns
- Who are shooting cute animals
This next one isn't a first birthday cake; it's a christening cake. So little John was, what? A couple of days old maybe? Right. SOMEONE GET THAT KID A GUINNESS.
Honestly I don't know what all is happening here, or what in that mess is considered edible. And I think I spied a tiny plastic poodle in a Santa hat in front of that tree stump with a face before my brain broke.
(ACTUAL CONVERSATION I JUST HAD WITH JOHN:
John: [seeing cake] "What is THAT? Hahaha! He must be Irish, huh?"
Me: "What?! That is a terrible stereotype! How dare you!"
John: "There's a pot of gold and a shamrock."
Me: [looking] "Oh. Right. Ok, maybe they're Irish.")
"But you look good for your age, Levi. Really. And hey, one is the new six months! I read it in Vogue!"
Something here just doesn't add up.
Please let his last name be Johnson. Please let his last name be Johnson. PleaselethislastnamebeJohnson.
Thanks to Anita T., Amy N., Jill B., Amber, D'arcy, Vinny A., & Melissa M. for the memorable first impressions.
Be honest, minions: am I taking this Moana obsession too far? The constant singing, the aggressive YOU'RE WELCOME-ing, the unrequited mooning over a cross-eyed rooster?
Then check this out:
Brandy ordered this Moana cake for her 9-year old, and I think we can all agree it was a wise move. Not only because MOANA, but because it's a printed edible image. That means no guesswork! No drawing! No instructions to fowl up! (HEY HEY ROOSTER SHOUT-OUT)
And yet, as it turns out,
Every turn we take
Every trail we track
Every ordered cake
Every road leads back
to a place we know:
Specifically, the place where a baker insists this is exactly what you ordered and you should totally pay for it.
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks to Brandy L. for providing all the wreckage that's fit to print.
It's the first day of Spring, minions, so forget the forecast, throw on some flip-flops, and break out the finger flowers!
AW YEAH FINGER FLOWERS.
(At least it beats a knuckle sandwich? Yes? No? Shall I show myself out?)
Yep, there's nothing like Spring flowers, with all their bountiful riots of color:
...and unintentional wangs:
Those are some flowers with serious... stamen-a.
(Pollination humor HEYOOOO.)
So whether you're currently freezing your daisy dukes off or cranking the A/C like a pansy, here's wishing you a very:
I think it's Dutch.
Thanks to Amy H., Heather B., Sara S., Mica, Ashley F., & Steven V. for putting the "zing" back in "Speinz." Or something. I dunno. Look, it's Monday. You're lucky I'm even HERE today.
It's opening weekend for the new live-action Beauty and the Beast movie, so guess what I've got for you today!
That's right, cakes from the animated version!
(By Sugar & Spice)
Don't get me wrong, peeps, Emma Watson is amazing. Nothin' but love there. However, CGI furniture-people just can't compete with this adorableness:
(By Zoe's Fancy Cakes)
Right? And like Cogsworth says, "If it's not Baroque, don't fix it."
Don't worry, though; you can still love the new movie. I've decided to allow it. ;)
In fact, I even have cakes that work for either version:
(By Flying Bat Beaver)
Like this prettiness inspired by Belle's dress!
Or how about this "glass dome" over the famous rose?
And look at the other side!
Here's another beauty based on Belle's dress:
(By Sylvia Castaneda)
Talk about swag! I think this is my favorite today: sweet, simple perfection.
Although this little Chip and Mrs. Potts are charming to a tea:
(By Fatto di Zucchero)
Anyone out there love The Enchanted Christmas?
(By Giada's Cakes)
D'aww. Beast's expression is everything here. And I'm digging those snowy pine cones at the bottom.
Now here's a cake that really shines:
Tell me you don't want to steal that rose topper. And Mrs. Potts. And Chip. And the whole cake.
Of course we can't have Beauty and the Beast Sweets without an epic wedding cake, so...
Those metallic gold drapes are blowing my mind. And the soft damask pattern is just right.
Now one more castle cake, this time with more stunning stained glass:
(By Karen Anne Cakes)
Now that's a beauty.
Happy Sunday, everyone! Be sure to tell me what you thought of the new movie in the comments, if you've seen it; I'm still debating braving the opening week crowds!
Today we come together as a nation to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in the most thoughtful, respectful manner possible...
...while insinuating Irish people are a bunch of drunk leprechauns.
As a person of Irish heritage myself, I'm actually more disturbed by whatever's happening here:
Whatever it is, it is WAY too happy to see you.
[Monty Python voice]: PLAGUE.
Or the fact that green plastic hats somehow make any cake St. Patrick's Day appropriate:
So whether you get your rocks off with that whole kissing thing:
Never to be taken for granite.
Or by asking bakers if they happen to have 6 fingers on their right hand:
Here's hoping you have a delightful St. Patrick's Day, minions.
Now, go enjoy one of these traditional Irish treats:
...while Internet commenters everywhere give their yearly speech on how "St. Patrick wasn't even Irish."
Thanks to Annie & Matt, Abbey R., Tracie F., Anne B., Andrew M., Bekka N., Molly S., & Interweb mansplainers everywhere for the inspiration to drink more.