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No Bologna
Oct. 17th, 2025 01:00 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
cakewrecks_feedMy cupcakes have a sperm theme
Just look, see, there they are!
My sheet cake teems with swimmers
They're leaving mental scars.
Oh we see these wrecks here every day
And if you ask me why I'll saaaaayyy...
'Cause Wreckerators have a way
with piping human DNA.
Thanks to Valerie A., Angel K., Stacey, Suzy W., and Caitlin W. for sowing the seeds of this post.
******
P.S. I don't know who needs to know that this exists, but...
Oscar Meyers Monster Truck Hot Wheels
... you're welcome.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Halloween Boo Boos
Oct. 16th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedSome questions are easy to answer.
"Cake, or DEATH?"
"Uh...cake, please."
Others can be a little more tricky:
"Trick, or TROAT?"
"And this is for 'Hallowen,' so, be honest."
Here's a moving Halloween vignette:
Judging by the pile behind it, I guess we have to assume that's "Poop in Peace."
(Which, come to think of it, is probably what every parent of a two to six-year-old dreams of doing.)
Jack O' Lanterns:
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
Sperm Bullies:
YOU PRETTY MUCH NAILED IT.
I can't decide if these two are hanging garland or just have massive orthodontist bills:
Boo? Boo?! YOU TAKE THAT BACK!
Thank you.
Thanks to Porter N., Rane L., Katya H., Lisa S., Laura W., & Destiny G., who think that last one is pretty yracs.
******
P.S. You know how everyone is decorating with these cute wall bats for spooky season?
Well I found them on Amazon! They're re-usable PVC - so weatherproof - and cost less than $10 for a pack of 56. While you're there I highly recommend scrolling the customer image gallery, too, for cute decorating ideas like this.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
TaTa Tragedies
Oct. 15th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedOctober is Breast Cancer Awareness month, bakers, which means it's time to slap pink icing ribbons on everything, including last month's leftover cookies:
Pro Tip: When licking icing off your display cookies, try to be more thorough. Otherwise people might start asking questions.
It also means that every October birthday is no longer just a birthday:
It's a "Flappy Beiast Awaranistsy" Birthday!
Plus, what better time is there to break out the ol' "Ring o' Stomachs" icing border?
NO TIME, that's when.
Of course, since even the simple ribbon loop is beyond many bakers' skill set, you might want to cheat a bit by using candy molds:
Pro Tip: these also work great for bachelorette parties.
Or maybe stick to a single ribbon and just one misspelled word:
G, I admire your restraint.
Or how about a simple, inspiring inscription? You know, something about hope, and strength, and working towards a cure?
Or a confusingly depressing sentiment that makes less and less sense the more you think about it?
Because when I remember a painful loss, the first thing I want to do - I mean, AFTER celebrating the fact that I just remembered my painful loss - is eat a giant cookie cake.
[sigh]
Tell you what, bakers, maybe we should just go back to the ribbons.
Perfect.
Thanks to Sarah A., Gia E., Crystal A., Jen P., Anony M., Michelle T., & Leslie P. for keeping us abreast of the situation. TTFN, ladies!
*****
P.S. Want to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness in the spirit of the spooky season? Then allow me to present the greatest October t-shirt of all time:
"Boo Bees" T-Shirt
More colors and cuts at the link, though sadly it does NOT come in pink. BOO.
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Ghost Busted
Oct. 14th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedThis is it! We're close to proving bakery hauntings, I can feel it!
Scoff all you like, but I was present at an undersea, unexplained mass sponge migration.
Not to mention they were wearing PANTS.
Look! Actual ectoplasmic residue! This is great!
"He slimed me."
Oh buck up, Frosty, you'll be fine.
Talk about telekinetic activity - look at this mess!
It's like the Salem mass Silly String turbulence of 1947. DEFINITELY supernatural origin.
You know, I collect spores, mold, and fungus...
...but that is just NASTY.
Listen! You smell something?
"There is no 'wee wee,' only stool."
Hm. You'd better get a sample.
What, you question my methods?
Back off, man; I'm a SCIENTIST.
That's better.
Oh, and whatever you do, don't cross the streams. That would be bad.
I can see you're still not convinced on this bakery ghost thing.
Then answer me this: would any human being stack cakes this way?
I rest my case.
Thanks to Anna S., Matthew Z., Alyssa P., Dylan W., Lindsey D., Cynthia C., & Anna A., who are pretty sure that sample cup means "you're in trouble."
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
The "Wonders" (of) Punctuation...
Oct. 13th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedAllow me to present a mini educational series on the "wonders" of punctuation.
[Cue the cheesy music!]
Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Now remember, boys and girls: Punctuation can be a scary thing, but skipping it all together is never the answer.
Unless you want to command everyone to love their "senoirs."
On the other hand, filling your cake with the wrong punctuation isn't the answer, either.
Ah, a classic case of WTH: "Where's the H?"
Fortunately, punctuation allows us to add an appropriate level of enthusiasm to our greetings:
Pass the tissues. I think Linda is having a moment.
...not to mention convey our "sincerity":
And we mean that, Elizabeth. Like, soooo much.
(Btw, bonus points for the random asterisk. I assume the footnote came on a cupcake? That said, "Not really"?)
Of course, it is possible to go overboard from time to time:
Not to mention that pesky "you're" business.
Yep. Pesky.
And will someone please explain this?
Parentheses? Really? Look, bakers, I'm pretty sure no one has ever - EVER - ordered parentheses on a cake, so why would you even consider...
Ok, so ONE person ordered parentheses on a cake.
That just means you're both wrong.
"Congratulations."
Thanks to Andrea M., Anne G., Anna S., Linda J., Margaret J., Lisa, Kayla H., Debb D., & Bunny B., who I hear enjoy cooking their dogs and their families. So let's eat guys!
*****
P.S. For folks who appreciate a good linguistics lol:
"Just like grammar used to make," hehehe. More colors at the link.
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Super Sunday Sweets
Oct. 12th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedFaster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound - and all without ever leaving the table - it's SUPER CAKES!
Superman looks like he just flew right out of the comic-book; he's so artfully shaded! (And take note, icing purists; he's also completely fondant-free!)
Submitted by Eri R. and made by Bluebird Cakes
Spider-Man here takes it a literal step further by popping out of the cake to save the day.
Sub'd by Ashley F. & made by The Great Cake Company
But nothing can match the 3D powers of Ironman, who stands head and shoulders above the rest!
Sub'd by Sally B. & made by The Wicked Little Cake Company
"Did somebody say 3D? Make that 4D, because I QUADRUPLE DOMINATE you, Ironman! I am A) the leader of an alien robot race, B) rocking a body transformed from a friggin' semi-truck, and C) made of 100% edible deliciousness that is D) sculpted into a free-standing 3D-cake man-machine!!
"Plus, look at my cute lil' wipers!"
Don't worry; Optimus Prime is only joking. Superheroes don't really fight amongst themselves! In fact, they're far more likely to work together for the common good/deliciousness:
Submitted by Maria N. and made by It's a Piece of Cake
Why, it's enough to bring me to tiers!
By CakeCentral member carmie00
Yes, superheroes are united in their quest to protect and serve mankind. And also to look fabulous in a retro cookie-pop bouquet while doing so. Love those graphics!
Now here's a fabulously graphic cake:
By Chocmocakes
I mean "graphic" as in visually effective, by the way, with a sleek and vivid overall design - not graphic as in "you can totally see Hulk's nips."
Sub'd by Kirsten K. & made by House of the Rising Cake
Batman stands watch over Gotham City - and check out the beam of light from the Bat signal! Great little detail!
But hang on now, saving the world isn't only a job for the menfolk! We can't forget about the ladies!
Sub'd by Kelly J. & made by Charm City Cakes
You don't need a magic lasso of truth to know this cake is fantastic.
Now how about some little baby supers?
By We Want Cake
It's like a Justice League of adorableness! My favorite is Wee-lverine.
Men, women, children - hey, entire families can get in on the crime-fighting cake fun:
Incredible!
I think my favorite thing about this cake - aside from the insanely detailed Incredible family with their tiny little Incredible phone - is that this was for a 30-year-old man's birthday. Way to stay young at heart, my friend!
That's all for now! Have a SUPER day, everyone!
*****
P.S. Here's a sweet gift for the superhero in your life - or to remind yourself that you're one:
Alex and Ani Wonder Woman Cuff Bracelet
******
And from my other blog, Epbot:
We Sorry, You Are Living
Oct. 10th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feed
And because we've seen your haircut, you will be Miss.
P.S. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Sorry, Dannielle L., but I must be living.
*****
P.S. You seem stressed, Shane. Take two of these and don't call me in the morning:
Squishy Stress Voodoo Doll
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Wreckage Of Unusual Size
Oct. 9th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedIn honor of one of the greatest movies of all time, I'd like to tell you a story.
It's a story of the man in black:
Who may or may not look like the Noid from those old Domino's commercials.
And also a beautiful princess:
It's a tale of fencing and fighting,
of torture and despair,
"I've just sucked one year of your life away.
Now I need a glass of milk."
...of chases, escapes, and, of course, twoo wuv.
Also known as "Twoo huv"
There's also a subplot of a son avenging his father's murder.
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to... What's this? A cake?"
"Oooh, are those cherries?
I mean, uh...
Prepare to die.
And also pass me that fork over there."
Together, our heroes will defeat an evil prince, a wily Sicilian, a six-fingered man...
and, of course, Rodents Of Unusual Size.
"Hi."
"Btw, you may want to watch out for those popping noises. Trust me."
Bye bye, Jennifer B., Emily M., Jefferey W., Colin & Jen, Jan Y., Jennifer W., Nicole V., Rysha M., & Melanie H.! Have fun storming the castle!
Oh, and before I go: Anybody want a peanut?
*****
P.S. Or, if you want the "official" retelling, there's always this:
The Princess Bride, Deluxe Edition Hardcover
It contains 50 lovely full-page illustrations, but not a single anthropomorphic peanut. Sorry.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
WE NEED MORE ROOSTER TEARS
Oct. 8th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feed"Missus Jen, how many wrecks does it take to get to the center of your resolve against believing in a voodoo curse placed on our bakeries' numeric suffixes?"
"Let's find out!"
Firth of all...
I really like saying "firth."
Toothly, allow me to point out that this is after they "fixed" it:
So I'm guessing it used to read "2rd."
(Psst. Say "2rd" out loud. Go on. It's fun! You know you want to.)
And thirthly...
Hey, that was fun. Let's try that again:
And thirthly...
(Resolve...weakening...)
And THIRTHLY...
They think the brown and yellow drips will distract us.
They're right.
Ok, ok, let's quit horsing around and get to business:
And thirthly:
Yep, that's it. I am now thoroughly convinced there is a nefarious Voodoo plot formed in the bowels of some super villain's bakery to make us all sound like Daffy Duck.You just can't argue with this kind of evidence.
But we're on to you, super villain! We know you're out there!
Ok, fine, you've made your point. Clearly we are at your mercy.
Aaand now you're just showing off.
In fact, Mr. or Mrs. Super Villain, I think I speak for us all when I say: "You're dethspicable."
Thanks to Anne, Jessica B., Sarah S., Jamie R., Kacey S., Vivek R., Teri R., & Diane C., who I've just inducted into my new Superhero League, Capes for Cakes. Report to the secret lair for your lassos and piping bags.
*****
P.S. You seem stressed. Take two of these and don't call me in the morning:
Remember: YOU ARE UNIQUE
Oct. 7th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feed
...just like everybody else.
Thanks to Nicole S, and Faith H., who feel like they’re being judged.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
NOOOOOOO!!!
Oct. 6th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedPoor Darth Vader. He used to be the baddest of the bad guys, the deadliest dad, and the grumpiest force-choker around. Over the years, however, he's been reduced to a cuddly bear, a Hello Kitty parody, and a really excellent dancer.
Adding to the indignity, in 2011 George Lucas added some "tweaks" to the original Return of the Jedi which included a rather entertaining Vader yell, which has been described as "ridiculous," "undignified," and "Dude, it's a yell. What's the big deal?
Well, never fear, fellow fans! I'm here to help.
In fact, I promise you'll never think that yell is undignified again.
Compared to these.
NOOOOOOO....
OOOOOO.....
OOOOOOO....
Oh. Actually, this one's not so bad - since it's plastic and all. I just find it funny to imagine Vader using contractions. Go on, say it in your head. "LUKE I'M YOUR FATHER." No? Just me?
Right, moving on.
[Inhale]
....OOOOOOOOOO!!!!
A grateful force-choke to Timbrely, Clare, Julie Anne D., Annie L., Arielle C., and Brenda J. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the Vader TomTom commercial again. That thing cracks. me. up.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
Sunday Sweets: Simply Stunning
Oct. 5th, 2025 01:00 pmcakewrecks_feedI think it was Martha Stewart who once said, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
Oh, whoops - actually that was Leonardo DaVinci.
Either way, I bet Leo and Martha would both give sincere fist-bumps of approval to the bakers of these simple yet stunning wedding cakes:
Submitted by Rachel G., found here, baker unknown.
Speaking of Martha, she's probably going to be hunting down the baker so she can feature this divine cake on the cover of her next magazine. That's a very Good Thing!
Sub'd by Danny C., made by Choux Designer Cakes & Pastries
Fully-blossomed roses, fondant "fabric" and seed-pearl piping all scream demurely whisper "simple sophistication!"
Sub'd by Lynne P., made by Sweet Perfection
Layers of flowers, polka dots, lace edging, quilt stitching, and paisley might sound like a whole lot of crazy on a single cake, but in monochrome, they make it a masterpiece.
This cake is so modern and chic, I somehow want to eat it, wear it and decorate my house with it at the same time!
Sub'd by K.I., made by Bee's Cake Design
Of course, simple does not = easy! Those painted flowers use a technique called "brush embroidery," for example, which obviously requires waaaay more effort than buying pre-made flowers, sticking them on a cake, and pretending you made them yourself. Which I would never do. Very often. Again.
Hey, not everyone is born with a flair for fondant flower-forming! But this next baker was:
Sub'd by Rebecca S. and made by her friend Jenny, amateur cake prodigy
And would you believe Jenny was only 14 years old when she made this? Fourteen!
I know, right?!
By Design Cakes
This explosion of roses set against such a basic backdrop is so striking. And the single petal drifted off to the side? Perfection.
Of course there are other options if you prefer your cakes flower-free. Like diamonds!
Sub'd by K.L., made by The Cake Company
I'm not sure if those are jewels or simply silver dragees (totally had Google that word, and was a little concerned about typing in "edible silver balls"), but either way that's some beautiful bling.
Made by the amazing Rylan T. of Art and Appetite
This four-tiered cake with cleverly chosen designs that symbolize true devotion (turtle doves), peace (olive branch), and perfection, light, and life (fleur de lis) may not quite qualify as simple - but stunning? You betcha!
By Lorinda Seto
Such an exacting design leaves zero room for imperfections, and I can't spot a single one! I love the alternating damask pattern, and how the color scheme manages to look playful and grown up at the same time. Just gorgeous.
That's all for today! Thanks for reading, and just so you know: "You're simply the best!"
Happy Sunday!
*****
P.S. You know how everyone is decorating with these cute wall bats for spooky season?
Well I found them on Amazon! They're re-usable PVC - so weatherproof - and cost less than $10 for a pack of 56. While you're there I highly recommend scrolling the customer image gallery, too, for cute decorating ideas like this.
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
